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Confessions of A Tooth Fairy
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I admit: I'm a horrible Tooth Fairy. I think someone should remind hopeful parents -- when deciding whether or not to have children -- that one day you will be expected to sneak into a child's room, remove a tooth the size of a small pea without waking them up, and always have money with which to replace it. This information needs to be included in all of those parenting books out there so we know what to expect.
My oldest two have even told the dentist on me. At my son's last 6-month checkup, he asked the dentist why the Tooth Fairy is always on vacation. I hid behind the copy of Dentistry Today I was reading. I could feel the dentist's eyes staring at me through the magazine. My son went on to say that it's really not fair that the Tooth Fairy gets to take two vacations a year when his family only takes one a year. "And that's to visit my Grandma -- who has no teeth," he adds. Even when I remember to be the Tooth Fairy, there usually is still a problem. One time I didn't have a dollar. OUR Tooth Fairy always leaves a dollar -- unlike the kids across the street who get a crummy quarter. I couldn't possibly leave change under her pillow -- then she would sink to the level of the neighbor's Tooth Fairy. If I leave more, the other kids will remember and expect the same. Can't have the Tooth Fairy show preferential treatment to kids in the same family. What to do?
When my daughter lost her third tooth, I thought I did everything right. Even though tired to the point of exhaustion the night it happened, I still managed to sneak into her room, take the tooth, make the switch and get in bed. All within a matter of two minutes, I might add. No problem. This Tooth Fairy thing was a piece of cake that time. The next morning, my daughter walked into the kitchen grinning from ear to ear. Glowing is a better word for it. "Look what the Tooth Fairy left me," she said, as she held up a $20 bill. I choked on my Cheerio. What? I then quickly excused myself and headed for my wallet. Sure enough, there sat the $1 bill, and the $20 bill was gone. Way to go, Slick!
A Tooth Fairy Union? Now that's not a bad idea…
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Remembering is the hard part. When my kid shows me his
freshly fallen out -- still a little bloody -- tooth,
we celebrate. He tells me all the things he's going to
do with the money he gets from the Tooth Fairy. I then
make a mental note NOT to forget this time like I did
with my oldest daughter a few weeks before. Don't
forget. Don't forget. Don't forget. I WON'T forget.
But I do!
"Why does the Tooth Fairy only get one bonus check
every 10 years? And why did she have to get her check
when my sister's tooth fell out?" asked my son. Oh,
no! Not again. This time I hid behind the copy of
Pediatrics Today I was pretending to read. My son goes
on: "My daddy gets a bonus every quarter, plus a
year-end bonus. I think the Tooth Fairy needs to join
a union." I had to peek over my magazine because I
was amazed at what my 6-year-old knows about bonuses
and labor unions. The dentist stared at me as
he scraped my son's teeth. I retreated behind my
magazine and wished I was someplace else.