When Martha Jackson of Thousand Oaks, Calif. went to pick up 4-year-old Natalie after school one Friday afternoon, she found her daughter sitting in a corner of the busy playroom, head in her hands, sobbing. It took several minutes of holding Natalie close before the little girl could explain why she was so sad. "It was my share day," she finally blurted out, tears streaming from her limpid blue eyes. "I was supposed to bring something to share, and all the kids were waiting for me, and I didn't have anything. You didn't tell me!"

As it turned out, the teacher had sent a note home with Natalie, giving information about share day, but somehow her parents never set eyes on it. Jackson decided that from then on, she had better set up a direct connection with the teacher and avoid future heartache for her child.

Establishing good communication with your child's preschool teacher is crucial, but what are the best methods to accomplish that goal? Parents and teachers agree that the key is to start early and keep in touch through good times and bad. Once you have established a relationship with your child's teacher, if you do sense a problem at school, you can contact the teacher and she won't be a stranger.

Starting Early
"It's very important for the teacher to meet the child before school starts," says Betty Farber, editor of Guiding Young Children's Behavior. "In fact, many schools now have home visits, which are very helpful to teachers. They find out a little bit about the child, see him at home, see what kinds of toys he likes to play with, what the atmosphere is. And later on, when the child is in the class, there's a certain bond there. He might say, 'Oh, remember when you were in my room and you saw my toys?'" She adds that most schools have an orientation before the term starts, where the director introduces the parents to the teachers, and sometimes there's a school visit with the child the semester before the youngster starts school.

On Day One
Despite your natural urge to be intimately involved with your child's classroom on the all-important first day, most teachers advise against this. "The separation issues will be worse if parents hover at the classroom door," says Rosemarie Clark, M.Ed., a parent and co-author of The School-Savvy Parent. "Instead, why not give your child a photo of yourself, or an object such as a piece of blanket, to help him feel secure." If parents hesitate, this tells the child that the school is not safe. A cheerful good-bye will help your child enter the classroom with confidence and send the message that you trust the teacher -- important for getting communication off on the right foot.

Ongoing Communication
While hanging around too long in the first few days may not be a good idea, most teachers welcome the idea of parents spending a few minutes in the classroom as the year progresses. "If you are lucky enough to be the parent that takes your child to school in the morning, or picks her up in the evening, then you have numerous opportunities to establish a good relationship with the teacher," says Farber. "In the evening, the teacher might mention something in passing like 'Oh, Megan was really talking a lot to the other children today,' or 'Jose was so happy, he was joining in the singing,' or whatever tidbits might come across just from this casual meeting, every day. And that day-by-day interaction with the teacher can be wonderful."

Sometimes teachers send home projects that the children have worked on, which is one way of letting you know what your child is doing. There are often bulletin boards in the classroom, announcing what the class is working on this week, or maybe a weekly or monthly newsletter that goes home, informing parents of what's going on at school.

Parent/Teacher Conferences
Most preschools schedule regular conferences with parents, usually at least twice a year, and it's important to attend these. When parents come to school at a teacher's request, they may feel anxious or nervous. But Clark reminds parents, "To work with their students, teachers must know as much as they can about each child's likes and dislikes. And parents know their children better than anyone." This is all about teamwork, and at that first conference, parents are establishing rapport with their teammate and figuring out how the team is going to work together.

What If There's A Problem?
As a parent, you also have the right to ask for a conference if you sense a problem with your child at school. It is far better to deal with an issue when it arises, rather than wait and have it get out of hand. Farber recommends that parents call to ask for a meeting, stating the reason for the conference but avoiding any lengthy discussion on the phone. She also suggests that once you make that appointment with the teacher, it's a good idea to write down the things you want to be sure to discuss with the teacher, in case you forget something. And be sure to take along a pad and pencil. It may be that during the course of the conference you hear something you don't like from the teacher. In this case, if you cannot get satisfaction from the teacher, you should take your concerns to the director of the school.

Staying In Touch
As the year progresses, you will want to maintain parent-teacher communication. Even if you don't have a particular concern about your child, you can always write a brief note of thanks when you see something you really like. Teachers like to see that someone notices what they are doing -- they are only human, after all! And parents can also be involved as resources, perhaps talking to the class about a trip, or how to celebrate a holiday. There may also be parent nights, meetings at night for parents who are working during the day, and it's important to attend those, as well as scheduled conferences.

Parents and teachers agree that teachers need parents' help to do a first-class job. Working together, you and your child's teacher can help your child have a great preschool year.