Have you ever stopped to listen to yourself when talking to your young children? It's amazing the words that get put together to make meaningful sentences. Meaningful, that is, to a child. These statements were actually uttered by parents to their offspring. How many have you said?

Affection:

• I know it hurts, but I will not kiss your butt.

• Of course it stung you; wasps don't like to be petted.

• Please stop kissing the worms.

• I know you love all of the rocks, but we can only take one into the store today.

• Even if someone hugs it out of you, you should say, "Excuse me" after passing gas.

Appreciation of Others:

• No honey, her face is not melting. Those are called wrinkles.

• Yes, that is a nice drawing on her shoulder.

• Sometimes your breath stinks, too.

• People can see even if they have blue eyes.

• No, he doesn't have a baby in his tummy.

Cleanliness:

• That's not snow, honey; it's dust.

• I see; the wet chalk does make colorful body paint.

• The car is not a garbage can.

• Please keep your dirt collection outside.

Family:

• Don't hit your brother when he is sleeping.

• Please get your feet off of your grandmother's head.

• You can't marry Daddy; I got him first.

• Take that funnel out of your sister's ear.

• Put Grandpa's teeth back where you found them.

Fashion:

• Where are your clothes?

• You may not go outside wearing my shoes.

• Your shirt is not a napkin.

• The underwear is not a hat.

• You make a beautiful ballerina, but boys don't wear tutus to church.

Food:

• People don't eat cat food.
  

• No, sweetie, pee does not come from peanuts.

• We don't eat mud pies.

• Well, it does still look like corn, but you can't eat it again.

• What if I spit in your soda?

• Those aren't trees, they're broccoli.

• Don't put the chips back in the bowl after you've licked them.

• Please don't dunk your cookies in your juice.

Hygiene:

• You can't go around in public with your finger up your nose.

• Please don't chew on the dirty underwear.

• People don't lick themselves clean.

• Your sleeve is not a tissue.

• No, you may not use your brother's toothbrush.

• Please take your feet out of your mouth.

Pets:

• Don't bite the dog.

• Yes, that is Ivy's penis and it is just for him.

• That's kitty litter, not sand.

• Stop riding the dog.

• Yes, the mommy turtle is giving the daddy turtle a piggyback ride.

• The dog's nose does not need picking.

• The cat doesn't like the sprinkler.

• Please don't blow in the dog's ear.

Potty Time:

• You can't pee in just anybody's yard.

• Yes, it makes me very happy when you make poop.

• Only boys stand up when they potty.

• If you wipe, your bottom won't be itchy.

And, of course:

• I'll always love you – no matter what.

Want to see more?

• Momentous Mothering Moments Quiz
• Can Parents Influence Personality Traits?
• Freedom of Speech? Children Who Speak Their Minds
• Confessions of a Tooth Fairy
• Talk about it!