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Expert Q & A

Top : Safety : How can I talk to my children about safety without scaring them?

by Diana Jones
Safety Expert 		Diana Jones

Question:


How can I talk to my children about safety without scaring them?

Answer:


Every child matures and gains the ability to comprehend information at their own unique rate. For children ages 4 to 6, this diversity in cognizance is especially dramatic. Information that your 6-year-old can handle may or may not be something appropriate for your 4 or 5-year-old. To teach children effectively about strangers and sexual abuse, it is best for parents to examine the material that is considered age-appropriate and then to custom tailor their conversations to meet the specific needs and level of understanding of their own child.

With preschool age children and kindergartners, it is always best to begin with the most simple, basic and straight forward rules. Conversations should be interactive discussions not lectures. Encouraging your child to share his or her own understandings about safety is a very important part of the process. Being able to build upon the accurate information that the child already possesses and gently correcting those perceptions that are wrong will create lasting learning value.

Don't be deceived into thinking that this information must be frightening to be effective. In fact, quite the contrary. The less frightening and the more comprehensive the material the better children learn and internalize these lessons.

How and when material is presented will help to insure that the child is not afraid. It is rarely beneficial to approach these topics when you are upset or agitated about an incident you have heard about on the news. This anxiety will inevitably translate to your child. When at all possible, choose innocuous times to have these discussions; car rides, playing at the park, and meals all present good opportunities.

In general, information should be presented matter-of-factly, repeated over time, and should be void of vivid, real life examples of actual tragedies. It is also helpful to present this information as a game using a multiple choice, question and answer format, and by using a third person approach.

The following is a list of the beginning lessons that children even as young and 3 ask mommy or daddy first:

  • Never go near any car, even if you know the person asking you to go in the car or the person inside the car -- you must first ask mommy or daddy.
  • Provide your child with a plan in the event that you get separated when away from home. Instructing them to go immediately to a cash register or counter and asking the person behind for help is always a good idea. It is helpful to point these locations out to your child when you enter a new place. Make sure they know never to leave with a "helpful" adult no matter what the adult promises them or how helpful the adult may seem.
  • Make sure they understand where "private places" are on themselves and others. Be sure that they know that touching in these places is not OK.
  • Lastly, assure them that there is nothing that they can do that will change how much you love them, so they should never hesitate to share any information, fears, or concerns with you no matter what.


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