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Expert Q&A

	By Keath Castelloe Low child and adolescent psychologist

My 5-year-old has no interaction with her friends or teachers. Should I be concerned? She will talk or respond to us (her parents) and our close family members only, but will not answer friends' or strangers' questions, and always tries to ignore when someone talks to her.

Children who are able to communicate verbally at home or in other familiar social situations, but become mute and extremely shy and withdrawn in other situations may have selective mutism. Children with selective mutism are capable of speech and language, but because of extreme feelings of anxiety they basically shut down in certain social situations. These kids want to speak and interact, but become so afraid and nervous that they cannot.

If your daughter does have selective mutism, make sure the teachers at school understand that she is not being oppositional when she is non-responsive. The most important thing to do is to decrease her anxiety. Structure and routines are helpful in alleviating "the unknown factor." They make the day predictable and familiar.

Talk with her teacher about developing a communication system in the classroom with the goal of helping your daughter slowly make steps toward interacting. A first goal may be nodding "yes" or "no" to teacher's or schoolmates' questions. A second goal may be holding up cards with pictures indicating responses. The next goal may be making eye contact. Eye contact is a very intimate and personal way to connect to others and though it seems simple, it can be very difficult for a child who is experiencing anxiety. Eventually, your daughter will work towards mouthing single words to whispering one or two word responses. The key is slow, steady progress.

If there is a particularly nurturing, kind student in the class, the teacher may want to pair that student up with your daughter. A buddy system can provide extra support to anyone who is feeling overwhelmed. Encourage nonverbal interactions such as working on puzzles together, cleaning up crayons together, pushing in chairs. Plan one-on-one play dates at your home, a familiar and safe place, to help your daughter begin to feel more comfortable about being around her peers.

A child who is experiencing anxiety should never be forced to speak. Rather, adults should focus on empowering her, giving her a sense of control and fostering her self-esteem.

You can also help empower your daughter by encouraging her to interact with others in a simple manner. Go grocery shopping together and have your daughter hand the cashier the money. Go to a restaurant and have her order on her own by pointing out the item on the menu to the waitress. Go to the library and have her return books over the counter to the librarian. Start out slowly and reward small successes.

For more information check out this Web site: www.selectivemutism.org. If you find that your daughter continues to withdraw from others and there is little improvement in her behavior, contact a local mental health provider.

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