quick clicks

preschoolers today articles

preschoolers today q&a

children today articles

children today q&a

community & groups

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

Expert Q&A

	By iParenting Staff iParenting Staff Experts

With Christmas coming up, I'm concerned with my 5-year-old's inability to share. Any suggestions?

When children aren't sharing their toys, it's verytempting to remindthem that "children must learn to share." It's alsotempting to take thetoy away, telling them that "neither of you can haveit until you learn toshare." And time-out is also tempting because it atleast relieves mom anddad from having to deal with the constant fighting, atleast for a littlewhile. But none of these techniques will help yourchildren genuinely wantto share their toys. All your doing is separatingthem from the toys andfrom each other -- and making them more angry, andmore frustrated. Howwill they solve the same problem next time?

Here's a new way to handle this problem -- the problemsolving way.

• Ask each child how he or she feels when they fightover the toys.
• Ask each child how he or she thinks the othersfeel when they fight overthe toys.
• Then ask each child to think about what mighthappen next when theyfight like that.
• Now ask each child to think of a different way tosolve this problem.

Now the children are involved, and engaged in theprocess of thinking aboutwhat's happening, and when children think of their ownideas, they're muchmore likely to carry them out. One five-year-oldoffered a way to play witha train set together. One would be the driver, andthe others would helpbuild the farm (they had scenery to put around thetracks as landscape).The others smiled, agreed, and the three of themplayed together for over anhour. Now the children felt proud, instead of angryand frustrated. If momor dad had suggested the same thing, such as saying,"Why can't you playtogether, one of you can be the driver...," would theyhave?

At holiday time, not sharing often becomes moredramatic than at othertimes because the kids are excited, and often overstimulated. Considerthis. If a present really is theirs, especiallychosen for them, ask themhow they feel about sharing it now. Let them know yourespect thosefeelings. When children are ready to share, theywill.

View more Q&A by this Expert