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Expert Q&A

	By Harriet S. Worobey, M.A. Early Childhood Educator Director, the Nutritional Sciences Preschool

My son gets in trouble at preschool almost daily. How can I get him to cooperate at school when I'm not there?

I hope I don't go on too long with this one. Discipline at home and at school is a very popular topic. To answer your last question first, NO, please do NOT spank your child for misbehavior. If you hit him for hitting, what are you teaching him? It is certainly appropriate to let him know that you are disappointed that he misbehaved in school. I would encourage him tell you what happened and try to brainstorm other possible solutions to the problem besides hitting. I am not the biggest fan of "time-outs." Many times time-out is just a euphemism for punishment. If it is more of a sit-and-think or sit-and-talk, then it can be an opportunity for analyzing and changing behavior. If your son is responding to time-out at home, perhaps you are handling it in a better way than the school is. Too often schools use it to isolate the child with the behavior problem.

It sounds like the school personnel are totally focused on your child's misbehavior. Now don't get me wrong; it is certainly their job to protect other children against injury. However, it is also their job to find positive qualities in your son to build upon. How well would an adult respond if they only attention s/he got was negatives and time-outs? It is important for your son to feel that the teachers like him, find valuable qualities in him, and enjoy having him in school. This does not mean that the teachers have to like all of his ACTIONS, but they must make it clearly that it is his behavior that is unacceptable, not him. In addition, the child who is constantly reprimanded by the teachers gets a terrible reputation with the other children that is difficult to overcome. A suggestion to the teachers is to find at least one positive thing about your child each day. (They really have to mean it, not just pretend.) It can be his smile, his new sneakers, the way he mixes colors with the paintbrush, a great tower. Additionally, it would be helpful if he had some one-on-one play dates with some children in the class. In addition to getting to know the children socially in a different context, it would let you observe if hitting is a home or just a school thing. If the teachers cannot respond in any positive way to your son, then this may be the wrong environment for him, especially since you said that he responds well at home. If you do decide to change schools, I would try not to take this as a failure on your child's part. Not every school is suited to the needs of every child.

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