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Expert Q&A

	By Keath Castelloe Low child and adolescent psychologist

My son will be 4 in February. He recently started attending preschool and things I am told are fine with him while there. However, when I pick him up he runs away from me, usually into the nearby soccer field. It usually takes 15 minutes to catch him and I do this while carrying my 8-month-old. I have talked to him about when it comes time to leave and have tried to explain that he will be back in a couple of days. Yet the next time I pick him up he screams "no, no" and runs away from me. I end up carrying him to the car kicking and screaming. Any advice on how I can make him understand that going home isn't so bad.

A transition is a move from one situation to another and sometimes these transitions can be difficult for young children. Your son does not have problems transitioning from home to school in the morning or with transitions in the preschool classroom. It is at the end of the school day when problems arise.

It is possible that he is more tired at this time after working and playing in preschool and as a result, a big transition such as leaving school is hard.

The first thing to do is meet with his school teacher and enlist her help. A team effort can make this time easier. Have the teacher prepare your son for leaving by establishing a goodbye routine at school. This routine will be helpful for the whole class. The teacher may ring a special bell when it is time to clean up to prepare for leaving. A special clean up or goodbye song also helps prepare the children.

The teacher may need to give your son a little extra attention by giving him reminders, "When your Mommy arrives you will hold her hand as you walk with her to the car. You are such a big boy!" Anytime your son does what is expected, you and the teacher can reinforce his behavior by saying, "I really like how you walked to the car today!"

Create a sticker chart that you keep in the car. Each time your child is able to hold your hand, walk directly to the car and get into his car seat without problems, give him a sticker to put on his chart. Make sure the chart and stickers are in the car. This immediate reinforcement works well for kids this age.

Preschool is hard work! Make sure your child is getting enough sleep at night so he can better face the day. Approximately 10 to 13 hours is recommended. Many children this age still take naps, as well.

It may also help to carry your 8-month-old in a baby sling or baby backpack when you go into school to get your son. This way you'll have both hands free if you need them!

At home try to spend extra one on one time with your son. Sometimes having a new little sibling is tough. Babies require so much of our time and often the older children feel they are missing out. When your son runs away from you at school, he receives a lot of attention. Unfortunately, it is negative attention. Plan special one-on-one time with him at home while the baby is napping. This may help prevent him from seeking attention in a negative way.

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