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Expert Q&A

	By Kate Cohen-Posey Therapist

My daughter will not allow me to pick up my grandson and have alone time. What can I do?

I'm afraid there is very little you can do and I doubt you would want to assert your grandparent rights, if you can do that in your state legally. Have you asked her about her reasons for not wanting you to have time alone with him or take him places? Do not ask this question unless you are willing to listen in a very nonjudgmental way. To do this you will need to back off and suggest that maybe you were wrong and that you honestly want to understand the decisions she is making. Just rephrase what she is saying and do not disagree until a later conversation. Is there a husband in the picture? He might help you better understand the dynamics. You might ask her to see a therapist with you to help YOU because, ultimately, you are going to have to do things on her terms. Think carefully if she is threatened by you in any way -- if you are a loving person she may be afraid you will "steal" her son's affections. She may be angry with you about something in the past. If she is insecure she may fear you will be critical of her parenting. That's why suggesting that you are the one who needs help might help her be less defensive.

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