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Home › Expert Q&A › Divorce Issues › My children's father only sees his them once or twice a year. Should I cut these visits out for the sake of my children?

Expert Q&A

 

By Jenny Lewis, M.D.
Pediatrician

My children's father only sees his them once or twice a year. Should I cut these visits out for the sake of my children?

This is a tough situation for everyone, perhaps including the father. What you may want to do depends on why he is behaving this way. Many men feel like they donŴ know how to be a parent since the society often treats fathers as second-class parents. Criticism of his neglect or telling him heų a bad father wonŴ likely change things for the better.

Your question indicates that the boys would like to spend more time with their father. All the research on divorce indicates that children are happier and more successful when both parents are involved, so it would be wise to continue to help them see him as much as possible. Sending him drawings or cards the kids make will be a powerful message. Helping them call him, even if they only leave a message saying they want to see him more can be effective. Suggest, donŴ demand, that he take them for a whole day, not just 10 minutes.

Since they want to see him more, cutting off the relationship will likely make them feel angry with you. Though it may be heart wrenching, listen to them after the visits and try to find ways that they can tell their father how much they miss him. See if you can make a photo book or scrap book of the times they spend with him and be patient."

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