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Expert Q&A

	By Paul Coleman Psychologist Family Therapist

I recently divorced. What things can I do to make sure my kids adjust and do not have problems?

Make sure these two things happen:

1. They get to spend as much time with each of their parents as possible. In other words, visitation should be regular, as often as is feasible given everyone's schedules. It's ideal when the not-at-home parent lives close by so visitations don't involve long times in the car back and forth.

2. Parents must be cooperative. No power plays, no underhandedness, no overt hostility.

If those two things are accomplished the kids are likely to do as best as any child reasonably can.

As far as signs of problems in your children, kids either "act out" (aggression, fighting, defiance) or "act in" (depression, withdrawal, loss of interest). Expect some sadness and a period of adjustment. Expect a desire on the kidų part to want a reconciliation. Talk to teachers to see if the kids are acting any differently in school. Don't wait for teachers to come to you. Have them be on the lookout.

How to Say It to Your Kids (Prentice Hall Art, 2000) is an excellent book resource for someone in your situation. There are numerous chapters on how to talk to kids about divorce, stepparents and other related issues. Good luck!"

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