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Expert Q&A
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| By iParenting Staff iParenting Staff Experts | ||
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My 3-year-old throws temper tantrums in public. How can I handle this?
Whether you plead with your daughter to stop the screaming, threaten her if she doesn't, or ignore it in hopes it will go away, her tantrums will undoubtedly continue -- either out of genuine displeasure she is feeling at the moment, or out of a need to express defiance, and be in the one in control. Most of the time, tantrums are the child's solution to the problem she is experiencing, often not getting what she wants at the store -- and is not really the problem itself. How can you talk to her in a way that she will listen, and not have such a strong need for defiance?
I have found that by playing games with words in non-problem situations, children can associate questions about real-life situations with fun with those words. In this case, first play with the words"same" and "different." You can tap your head and then stamp your feet? Ask her if you just did the same thing or something different. Let her makeup examples and ask you if she did the same thing or something different. You can make up games with these words anywhere, such as at thedinner table. For example, you can pick up a spoon, then a fork and ask, "Are a spoon and a fork the same or are they different?" You, and your daughter can make up silly examples too. Given that your daughter appears to select thetimes and places to display her tantrums, she appears quite capable of controlling her emotions when she wants to.
When she is having a tantrum in the store, you can simply ask, "Can you think of a different way to tell me how you feel?" If this helps her to stop, you can follow that with asking her what upset her and when both of you are calm, use that as the basis for real the problem to be solved.
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