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Expert Q&A

	By Keath Castelloe Low child and adolescent psychologist

My little one recently potty trained and she does a wonderful job while we are at home. When we are out, it's a different story. She almost panics when she feels the urge and she refuses to use the public restroom. How can I help her get over this fear?

Try to get a sense about what is making your daughter afraid. Some children are terrified of the loud flushing sound of public toilets. The automatic flush is even worse because the children often feel they have no control of when the toilet is going to flush, sucking all the water down with a loud "whoosh."

Some children have fears about being sucked into the toilet themselves. Their fears are exacerbated in these public restrooms because of the more powerful flush. Often the toilet seats are larger, as well, making kids feel fears about falling in. Some kids just don't like the unfamiliarity of the public bathroom with confining stalls, large toilets, and strangers coming in and out.

The most important thing for you to do is remain loving, patient, and reassuring. Empathize with her and let her know you understand. Proceed slowly and listen to her cues. If she is not ready to use public toilets yet, allow her to wear a Pull-Up on outings.

If your daughter feels comfortable, have her come into a public bathroom with you as you use the toilet. Remain upbeat and positive. Your comforting, "no pressure" attitude will help her feel more at ease. After you have finished, wait to flush until she is standing by the sink further away from the toilet. Give her a flush warning or better yet let her say "go" when she is ready for you to flush. If the flush is automatic show her how you can hold your hand over the sensor to control when it will flush.

If you get a sense that your daughter is afraid of the large toilets, take along a familiar toilet seat insert. These inserts fit right on top of the toilet seat. Many come with vinyl soft padded seats that can be separated from the bottom for easy cleaning. Some have handles for children to hold onto while sitting. Several brands are even specifically made for traveling so they fold up and can be stored in their own bag.

If your daughter is willing to come into the bathroom with you, but is still uncertain about sitting on the potty, put her potty seat on top of the toilet opening and ask if she'd like to sit on it with her pants on. This will allow her to get a feel for the toilet without being so vulnerable with pants down. If she is able to do this lavish her with love and praise. If she is not yet ready to do this, continue to be very loving and understanding and let her know that when she is feeling ready she can try this first.

If you can get to the root of her fears you can better address them. Remain patient. Move along at her speed. Never put pressure on her. Your relaxed attitude will help her feel more at ease. Let her take small steps when she is ready. Eventually, her fears will subside and she will begin to feel more comfortable in a public restroom.

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