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Expert Q&A

	By Susan Bartell Licensed Psychologist

My 5-year-old slept with us until his sister came along when he was 2. Every since moving into his own bed, he wakes up ever 1-3 hours and sneaks into our bed. WeŶe tried everything, and weŲe sleep deprived. Any suggestions?

You have certainly all been sleep deprived for a very long time as you've struggled with this issue. Unfortunately, because your son's difficulty sleeping has been occurring for more than half his life, it is important to recognize that it will not be simple to improve your situation.

First, it will help if you understand why this has happened. During the first two years of his life, your son became accustomed to having mom and dad right next to him while he slept. This became part of his sleep routine and whenever he came into a light sleep cycle, he would sense your presence, and drift back to sleep, and when he would awaken, you would immediately comfort him and soothe him back to sleep. At 2 years old, when you put him in his own bed, he suddenly lost this routine and the comfort of having you right there to help him back into deep sleep.

Furthermore, it must have been very difficult for him to feel that his sister's birth was the cause of him losing his special place in bed with you. So now, not only does he not have the "tools" to help himself to sleep alone in his bed, but his emotions must be confused, sad and perhaps angry as well.

It is important to recognize that punishment, threats and even rituals will probably not help your son to suddenly be able to sleep alone. If your younger daughter is still in your bed, you may have to consider putting her in her own bed too, in order to help your son feel that he is not being excluded from the family bed. If you are reluctant to do this, I would consider putting his bed in your room, right next to your bed. While this may seem like a step backwards, it will let him overcome the feeling of exclusion or that he has been replaced by his sister. Having him in his own bed is a good interim step to independence. When you are ready to put her in her own bed and room, you can move him into his own room as well.

In order to help him learn to sleep through the night, you need to tell him that when he wakes up he should close his eyes and go back to sleep. Reassure him that you are right next to him and that it is okay for him to fall asleep again. Since he will be right next to you, he will not feel compelled to sneak into bed with you. Eventually he will become used to putting himself back to sleep and learn the self-soothing skills crucial to give him and you the sleep you desperately need."

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