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Expert Q&A

 

By Adolph Brown
Psychologist

My 4-year-old son's grandfather just passed away. Is it appropriate to take him to the grave?

It is important that when young people lose a loved one to death, be it expected or unexpected, that the adults in his or her life reassure, comfort and relate the truth in a developmentally-appropriate manner (paying specific attention to the child's age and ability to comprehend matters pertaining to death).

Pay close attention not to use analogies like "sleeping," "visiting," "gone away," etc. for a substitute for "death." Children understand more than they are ever given credit for. Monitor your child's reaction, as the child will take cues from the parents. Allow the child to grieve, and parents should role model "normal" or natural reactions to the death of a loved one. Be available to answer your child's questions and concerns as they arise, and most importantly, listen to your child. Your child will let you know when a visit to the grave site is warranted.

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