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Expert Q&A
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| By Harriet S. Worobey, M.A. Early Childhood Educator Director, the Nutritional Sciences Preschool | ||
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My 4-year-old has a hard time showing empathy/sympathy towards others. What can I do?
Some people have greater capabilities to empathize than others and these differences can show up very early in life. However, it would be a remarkable child who could empathize at 4. True empathy usually does not develop until children are adolescents. It is appropriate for children to be egocentric.
You can still work with your son to develop empathy, but do not feel like you have failed or that he has failed if you do not see great strides. Teach him words for the variations on the four basic emotions: anger, fear, sadness and joy. Cut out magazine pictures that express these emotions and put them on a fear, anger, sadness or joy box. You might color code the boxes read, yellow, blue and orange with matching faces to help him make distinctions. As his collection grows, you can have him arrange the fear pictures (for instance) in order of which one is the least afraid to the one that is most afraid. You can make up stories about what made the person in the picture angry, afraid, sad or happy.
When he laughs when his sister is upset, this might be a nervous laugh. However, it is common for some young children to laugh when others are hurt or upset.
Children who are very independent may appear less affectionate than other young people. Having a pet might help him express some affection but I'd be careful of having him be too responsible for the care of the pet since your goal is for him to find joy in loving, holding and playing with an animal. Just taking him to a shelter to see which types of animals he relates to might be an interesting experience.
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