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Expert Q&A

	By Elizabeth Pantley Child Behavior Expert Better Beginnings, Inc.

My 3-year-old wants to do jobs all by himself, even though he's sometimes not physically able to. Should I let him do the best he can and then do it right later or tell him he's not big enough yet? I don't want to hurt his self-esteem.

How great that you are looking for ways to build your child's self-esteem and for suspecting that letting him do things "all by myself" is a step in that direction. Consider yourself in the "training stage." This is a time when learning occurs, and habits form. I know, it's so much easier to pick up your child's toys than to go through the labor-intensive process that "letting your child do it himself" really is. It does take more time and energy to "let" your child pick up his toys, tie his shoes and pour his juice, as the "help" you need to give is often more complicated than if you would have done it yourself. In the long run, however, you'll save yourself a virtual lifetime of catering to a child who has never had the opportunity to assume these responsibilities at a young age. Such a child will see you as his personal valet and will resist giving up such a luxury. Wouldn't you?

Plus, taking the time and expending the patience to help a willing and enthusiastic 3-year-old learn to unload the dishwasher is a lot easier than trying to teach a busy, uninterested teenager and then deal with the frustration when he doesn't keep up with it.

So, go ahead. When you have the time and patience, let your little guy help out.

This is one of those parenting tasks that is difficult for most of us. But the benefits are great. Perhaps the most wonderful payoff in allowing your child to master life through age-appropriate tasks and skills comes from the boost to his self-esteem. The more capable a child is, the more confident the child will become. With confidence, and a full repertoire of important life skills, comes a stronger, more positive self-image that will enable your child to take on whatever life imposes.

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