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Expert Q&A

	By Keath Castelloe Low child and adolescent psychologist

My daughter hates bedtime because it seems we're always focused on her bedwetting (getting the PULL-UP on, asking when she drank last, etc). How can I make her enjoy bedtime again and get the focus off of her bedwetting?

Bedwetting can cause children to feel a great deal of distress. They may feel embarrassed or ashamed. Sometimes any little thing that reminds them of their "failure" can trigger negative feelings.

There are many reasons why children wet the bed at night – a small bladder that is not yet developed enough to hold urine for the entire night, immature nerves that do not yet signal that it is time to "go," an imbalance of the bladder muscles, deep sleep, stress and even heredity – if you or her father were bedwetters chances are she will be too!

There are also medical issues that may cause bedwetting. These are reasons that are all outside of the child's control.

You are right that bedtime should be a relaxing, fun time to settle in for the night. It may be helpful to expand her "getting ready for bedtime" to include additional routines that will take the focus off her bedwetting.

Try adding a quiet playtime after dinner and then a warm bubble bath. Have her put the PULL-UP on as she puts her pajamas on after the bath. This way it is just a normal part of her getting ready for bed. It is much harder to have to take off her underwear to replace them with a PULL-UP. Putting the PULL-UP on with her pajamas right after her bath will eliminate this step.

Sing her a lullaby or listen to soft, soothing music together. Cuddle together and brush her hair, stroking her hair and making this a relaxing, special time of closeness together.

Right before tucking her under the covers, let her know it is time for a quick sit on the potty and brushing of teeth. Make this matter of fact and tell her that as soon as she is finished you will get her under the cuddly bed covers and read her a book.

Go to the library or bookstore together and get some great new books so she will look forward to this treat. Focus on the fun stuff, not the bedwetting. As the focus of bedtime moves to a more positive light, your daughter's anxieties about bedwetting should lessen.

Continue to be reassuring and patient. You are also right that it is best to limit her fluid intake a few hours before bedtime. It may help to monitor this yourself rather than asking when she drank last. If she has had something to drink, there isn't anything you can do about it at that point and focusing on it may just make her feel that she did not do something right.

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