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Expert Q&A
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| By Paul Coleman Psychologist Family Therapist | ||
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Do you have suggestions for talking to husbands or other adults who may not be compassionate about a child's bedwetting?
Adults should be understanding and compassionate about this problem. Even if they can't be, they should understand that scolding or any insensitive remark will not make the situation better. It will only add to the misery the child already feels.
A child cannot use willpower to overcome bedwetting, but an insensitive adult can use willpower to keep rude remarks to himself. If the adult is willing to discuss his or her reasons for not having much compassion, you can inquire why that is so. There must be a reason.
Some parents see it as a reflection of their own lack of control to help their child. Feeling out of control in that area, they blame the victim. Some parents are very concerned about what others think of them. They are over-focused on their own feelings and under-focused on the child's. A parent with low esteem or feelings of inadequacy will be critical when others have problems, because they are unhappy with themselves.
Sometimes an adult's lack of compassion about bedwetting (or other child-focused issues) is really a diversion from marital issues. For example, if parents argue about discipline and, say, the father thinks the mother "babies" the children or is too lenient, he may be overcritical about bedwetting, because he is aggravated by his wife's overall parenting style. The solution then is to find ways to accommodate to each other's parenting styles in a cooperative way rather than be adversaries.
Related Expert Q&A
- How do I reduce the amount of liquids my son drinks without making him too thirsty?
- My 3-year-old daughter wets several times a week while my 5-year-old son has wet just about every night of his life. Does this mean that his case is more severe than hers?
- Does bedwetting have anything to do with my daughters' prematurity?
- Could the vitamins my child takes affect his bedwetting?
- Can bedwetting be the result of an allergy?
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