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Expert Q&A

	By Keath Castelloe Low child and adolescent psychologist

My 4-year-old daughter recently started preschool and she won't play on the playground with the other kids during recess. How can I help her want to participate?

Starting preschool is a major step in a child's development. For some kids it is the first time they are away from family and separated from their familiar, safe home environment. It is normal for children to take a little while to settle in and feel secure.

Typically, the classroom environment at preschool is fairly structured and predictable. Recess, on the other hand, is an unstructured, free playtime. It is possible that the freedom creates some feelings of anxiety for your daughter. As a result, she is tentative and shy in this setting. If this is the case, time will help her to feel more comfortable.

Many preschools welcome parent visits. If your preschool is open to this, arrange your day so that you are able to spend time during recess with your daughter. Help guide her in her play. Invite school friends to join you as you build sand castles. Offer to push your daughter and a school friend on the swings together. Encourage them to take turns going down the slide one after the other. By doing these things you are teaching your daughter how she may structure her time. Once she feels more comfortable, slowly begin to be less and less involved in her play on the playground. As her feelings of security increase, her playtime will become more natural.

Play dates are always fun for this age group. Set up several play dates with school friends. One-on-one interactions during play dates will help your child become more familiar with her classmates.

Occasionally talk about school friends at home. "I saw Abby had her hair in pigtails today" or "I hope Sarah is feeling better next week." Simple observations and sharing about school friends creates feelings of familiarity and may help your daughter feel more connected to them.

It is also possible that your daughter is simply engaging in parallel play. During parallel play a child is absorbed in their own play. They usually play beside (or parallel) to peers rather than with them. Many preschoolers use parallel play to ease into a new group. She may not be directly interacting with her peers, but she is probably very aware of them. She may even be checking them out once in awhile as she plays alone.

Preschool kids of all ages engage in parallel play. Eventually, when they are ready they begin to play with peers in a more interactive and cooperative manner. Remember that all children develop and mature at different rates. Many experts believe that true cooperative play does not occur until the end of the preschool years.

It is likely your daughter will become more interactive as she grows and settles in to her new setting. Be sure to keep the lines of communication open with her teacher. The teacher is the best source of information about what is going on during your child's school day.

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