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Expert Q&A
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| By Kate Cohen-Posey Therapist | ||
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My 3-year-old son has problems sleeping by himself. What should I do?
You are doing many things just right. However, children need to learn the cues to put themselves to sleep. The best time for them to learn this is when you are putting them to bed at night. You are right to lay in bed with him and read him a couple of books. You might cuddle for five minutes longer but then leave! Expect him to cry a lot the first couple of nights you do this. The crying is good because it will help exhaust him. Expect one to two hours of crying. You can stick your head in the door every five or 10 minutes and say time for bed. If he tries to leave the room you may need to hold the door closed or immediately walk him back to bed without comment. Rather than telling him that big boys sleep by themselves say, "All children need to learn to put themselves to sleep and that he will too." Tell him it might take one night or two nights or five nights and that you are going to help him by leaving him alone and letting him cry if he needs to. If it helps he can listen to music or have a night light on.
When he wakes up in the middle of the night you can do exactly what you are doing. There is no need to have crying sessions in the middle of the night that disrupt the whole family. On nights when he sleeps through, be sure to give him a special reward in the morning. You can save his favorite cereal, bacon or some other treat for "sleep through nights." But, don't expect him to sleep through until he is able to fall asleep in his bed by himself without you lying besides him.
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