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Where's the baby?
May 29, 2007
It blows my mind that four years has almost come to an end. Ash is about to start preschool, and you would think I would be happy about having more free time. Truth be told, I dread the extra time.
For one thing this coming year will be the beginning of the end of my jaunt threw baby land. Four years ago I was handed a baby, and now she runs from me leaving me behind her as she runs by the lake to play with her friends, not returning to me until she is informed that play time is over.
In a way I am glad to get back my individuality, and at the same time I knead a moment to morn the loss of my baby. I can't just read her what I want, or just pick her up and snuggle her because I want to. Now she tells me what she wants to read and protests when I attempt to hug her at the inappropriate time.
Four years ago she wouldn't let go of my hand, now she waves at me from the lobby of the preschool before running to class. My telling her of the elements and deities used to be heard in silence and now why, how, what pepper the once silent air.
Do I have baby lust? maybe a little, I don't want more kids but this transition feels strange with nothing to hold. Other Mothers told me it would go fast, but I thought it would go slow, then when I would look back on it it would seem fast, yet not truly fast, just sped up in my mind. But here we are, and this wasn't a trick of my memory, this time was truly fleeting.
And though parenting is hard and I'm happy to only do it once, there are those moments where it would be nice to have a baby. I couldn't be happier with how our little girl is turning out. She's spunky, smart, and inquisitive. Have to admit, hope she stays this way.
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