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Dealing With Death
Helping Your Child Handle a Death in the Family By Shel Franco
Sometimes, a child's first introduction to loss is through the death of a family pet. Welshons cautions parents to avoid the impulse to soften the blow by immediately buying another animal. He explains that by doing so, the parent prevents the child from experiencing loss, and loss is inevitable. If parents do not allow a natural response, the child will be unprepared for losses later on in life.
Patricia Enoch, of Baldwin, New York, recalls her children's reaction to the news that the family dog had died. "They were all upset and crying when he was found dead one morning," Enoch says. "My husband and older son let [the younger children] say goodbye and then wrapped him in a blanket and took him to the vet for cremation. They were sad for a week or so, cried every now and then."
A year later, the children's grandmother died, and Enoch believes that the grief they felt for their pet helped prepare them for the death of their grandmother.
Simply teaching your children about death will not prevent every ounce of emotional pain the child will feel in times of grief. It is hard to watch your child suffer, but you can take solace in knowing that your loving presence can help your child heal.
"My experience is that children handle the death of a loved one well when they have at least one loving adult, whom they are close to, who tells them the truth, who allows them to grieve and grieves with them, and who is reliably and lovingly available when needed," says Dr. Margaret Paul, relationship expert and best selling author.
For Maureen Hollis, of Charlotte, North Carolina, allowing her 6-year-old to grieve meant considerable tears and los of talk. In the end, Hollis found that a tangible reminder of "Nana" was incredibly comforting to her daughter.