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To Spank or Not to Spank?
Parents and Experts Weigh In By Donna Smith
"The lesson or message that is thought to be taught through spanking is lost on children so young, as many cannot or do not understand what this lesson or message is. They only see spanking and the hurt that accompanies it as a reaction to their action. In addition, we cannot expect a child to always 'do what we say, not what we do,' especially when most of what they do is built on what they see us their parents do."
What does the expert say?
"I have four children. They are respectful, responsible, well-behaved and just plain great kids," says Child Behavior Expert Elizabeth Pantley, author of Perfect Parenting and Hidden Messages: What Our Words and Actions Are Really Telling Our Children. "I don't believe in spanking and have used only positive, loving discipline with them."
When looking at the issue of spanking, Pantley urges parents to consider the following:
- Spanking does nothing to teach a child to develop inner discipline. A child's focus is on the spanking itself, not on a review of the behavior that led to it. After a spanking, a child does not sit in his room and think, "Gee, I sure goofed. But I really learned something. Next time I'll behave." Instead a child is typically thinking, "It's not fair! She doesn't understand! I hate her."
- Spanking is seen as punishment for a crime, payment for a debt. In other words, once paid, they have a clean slate. Spanking gets in the way of allowing a child to develop a conscience. The guilt that follows misbehavior is a prime motivator for change. Spanking takes away the guilt, because the crime has been paid for.
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