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How to Survive Autism
A Been-there, Done-that Guide
for Parents By Barbara Fischkin
TIP 5:If you are not getting services from your school district, threaten to sue them. No need to tell them you do not have or can't afford a lawyer. They lie to you; you can lie back. Tell them your cousin, the criminal lawyer, is just dying to take on this case and perhaps diversify his practice. Bring the cousin to meetings. Do not be cowed, regardless of how much autism has affected your income. You are a taxpayer, and the people employed by the school district work for you.
for Parents
As a corollary to this: Nurture the administrators and teachers who do understand, who do try to help. Tell them how wonderful they are on a regular basis. It is, after all, the truth, since such magical beings are still too few and too far between.
TIP 6:
For behavioral issues make an agreement with your spouse. Or with whomever else you live. This was ours: We will not remember or ever bring up anything mean we have said to one another while cleaning up smeared, or inconveniently "dumped" or otherwise "misdirected," feces. Full disclosure: We're not very good at this, but we are still trying. TIP 7:
Honesty is best. Be honest without asking for pity or accommodation. Say this, for example, to your best girlfriend from college: "I would love to bring Johnny or Jane over to see you and your children, but you will have to be prepared. His, or her, disability causes behaviors that are not his or her fault. He, or she, might break something in your house. Or poop his, or her, pants in front of everyone. Can you live with that? If so I would absolutely love to come." As a corollary to this: Nurture the friends who accept your children no questions asked, particularly the ones who say: "Come over. I understand." The ones who say it before you have to explain.