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How to Survive Autism
A Been-there, Done-that Guide
for Parents By Barbara Fischkin
for Parents
And suggestions for additions or amendments will be considered, with gratitude. I have tried to modify everything for all income groups and to make this an equal opportunity guide for mothers and fathers. Please forgive any sexism. I tried not to be that way, but to tell you the truth I have enough worries without that, too!
TIP 1:
Be selfish. Forgo something for the kids and spend it on yourself, no matter how small. A tube of lipstick counts. So does a handmade fish fly lure, even if going fishing is a mere fantasy. TIP 2:
Be more than selfish; pamper yourself any way you can afford even if it means only tuning out for a few minutes and letting your kid do what he or she wants. Later, when you clean up the mess, remind yourself that this was part of your present to yourself: Permission to rectify the "disaster" later. TIP 3:
Every day say this to yourself: "They the school administrators, the strangers who stare, the relatives who are certain I am getting it all wrong will not get me down. I am right. They are wrong. Five years from now, or 10, I will still be standing and with luck they will be serving penance for the way they treated me and my child." TIP 4:
Not only won't they get me down, I will ignore the way people react to my child. The child is important, not what people think of him. Or of his behavior. His behavior is part of his disability. Sometimes a top-of-his-lungs shout and an arm flap that would fluster the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders is something he needs to get through the day or the moment. Try as we do to modify these behaviors, the strategies don't always work. My autistic child's behaviors are the same as a wheelchair remember when "other" people thought those were too unsightly or unwieldy to be out in public? It may have been easier, though, to make wheelchairs more graceful, than it is to change my child's behaviors.