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Lifelong Friends?

Soothing Sibling Rivalry

By Erin Brown Conroy, M.A.

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Jealousy, competition, favoritism, difficulty sharing. To some extent, each of these branches of the tree of "sibling rivalry" grow in every family. "Where two or more children are gathered in one family, there contention will be also" isn't in the bible, but it sure seems like it could be!

Brothers and sisters don't have to be absolute arch enemies to be dealing with sibling rivalry; in fact, bits and pieces of sibling rivalry pop out every day as normal behavior. What isn't normal is when sibling rivalry interferes with or breaks down relationships. What's important is how we, as parents, along with our children, deal with sibling rivalry.

Ways to Help Your Child
It's important that we teach our children that sibling rivalry is normal. Since we're all individuals, unique and different, we won't get along with everyone. We especially won't get along all the time with those closest to us. Close relationships bring challenges; challenges dig up emotions like anger, sadness and frustration. Telling our child that everyone feels the same feelings of anger, sadness and frustration gives our child a healthy view of reality. If we begin with identifying feelings as normal, then we can learn to respond to our feelings in healthy ways.

The No. 1 feeling associated with sibling rivalry is anger. The problem isn't the fact that our child gets angry when bumping into sibling rivalry issues. The problem is in the fact that our child doesn't know what to do with the feelings of anger. If we start by asking our child the question, "What can we do when we're angry with our brother or sister?" and then finish by giving answers and tools to our child, we'll hit the issue of sibling rivalry at its root.

Tools for Our Children

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