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White Lies

Yes, Virginia, Little White Lies Are OK

By Kimberly Austin

Although Reddy did not exactly lie, she was not being honest. Severe says that by the age of 3, children can tell the difference, so it's best to be honest. Lying can cause dishonesty in the child. "If they discover you're not perfect, it gives kids a license to do the same."

Learning to Lie
Children learn how to lie not only from their parents but also from their peers. Severe says once a child sees what lying can achieve they might begin to lie. The best thing a parent can do is to be a good example for the child. "When parents hear that they should be a good role model they automatically think they have to be perfect," says Severe. "They don't."

Severe explains that parents should be responsible, but even that is not possible all the time. "We want to be perfect 90 percent of the time," he said. "That 10 percent we are not perfect, we should be responsible."

Severe suggests that if a parent makes a mistake, they should apologize for lying, cursing or whatever the mistake was, so that kids can learn that's bad. In the less serious case of fantasy lies, when a child asks real questions that deserve real answers like, "How do reindeer fly?" and "How does Santa get around the whole world in one night?" a parent should come clean. "Parents should explain to them that they said this so they'd be more excited about the holiday," says Severe. "Kids usually move on."