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White Lies

Yes, Virginia, Little White Lies Are OK

By Kimberly Austin

Kalen ran into the house and headed for his room. He quickly undressed then hopped into to bed. Suddenly, the 3-year-old remembered -- the Great Pumpkin wouldn't leave him a gift if Kalen didn't leave his Halloween candy. He jumped out of bed, grabbed his bright orange bucket of candy and placed it in the dining room for the Great Pumpkin to find. Kalen then snuggled back into bed to dream about the gift he would receive the next day.

Sue Reddy of Florida, Kalen's mother, says the Great Pumpkin was a spur of the moment invention she created to limit the amount of Halloween candy her son ate. "I told him about the Great Pumpkin because he was 3 and wouldn't understand that too much candy is bad for him," says Reddy.

Sue says her little white lie, or fantasy lie, about the Great Pumpkin saved her and her son from possible conflict. "He would have wanted to eat the candy, so there might have been some type of power struggle. He might have even tried sneaking to eat the candy. It's not malicious lying; my heart is in the right place."

Fantasy Lies Vs. Serious Lies
Sal Severe, psychologist and author of How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too, says the Great Pumpkin is a less common character used to get children to act in a desired way. However, fantasy lies like the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are a part of our culture. Reddy says she feels that discovering the lie about Santa Claus is a right of passage that does not harm the child.

These lies are harmless enough that Severe considers them to be more like fantasies or myths. He also feels fine about telling lies that are "in the best interests of the child." In his parenting workshops, Severe offers different strategies to make parenting easier. One of these involves telling "small" lies. One example uses a lie to help the parent convince his or her messy child that they can be neat.

Want to see more?

• How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too -- an excerpt from the book by Sal Severe
• Read The Ghost on Elm Street and find out about the Sugar Ghost, one mom's little white lie to stop her kids from eating too much candy at Halloween
• How to Talk to Your Kids About Anything: 10 Tips
• Do You Know Your Parenting Style? -- take this quiz and find out!