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Tears and Tantrums: Helping Your Preschooler Grieve
By Donna Stone
It is common for the grieving child to act out her inner turmoil by having tantrums or misbehaving. When Madeline's grandmother died she seemed to handle it well, or so the family thought. "Her tantrums months after my mother died were hard to take and we didn't understand where they were coming from," says Linda, Madeline's mother. "Sadly, my family and I underestimated Maddy's grief. We knew she understood on some level my mother wouldn't be back, and she seemed to move on with life so effortlessly that we thought she was OK, until our first Christmas without Nana. Then her whole world seemed to fall apart."
Parents may not always connect grief to misbehavior that begins months after the loss. "Two members of the same family can react differently," says Mize. "The grieving process may take longer for one of them. The process depends on many factors. The loss of a loved one is felt at different times and at different intensity. Grief has no time frame." The child may be dealing with their feelings of grief long after the adults in their life think they should "be over it." To help a child cope with her feelings instead of acting out, Mize suggests making an extra effort to talk together about the situation. "Communicate. Talk to your child about their feelings."