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Beyond the Twin Bond
Encouraging Relationships with Others
By Sabrina Glidden
On her 80th birthday, Moela Elmore of Muncie, Ind., was saddened to reach the milestone alone. When asked why, she told family members that she was down-hearted about turning 80 without her "life partner." Since she had enjoyed other birthday parties without her late husband, who had passed several years prior, the comment surprised her family. But it was not to him that she was referring. Instead, she was talking about her twin who had passed in recent months.
The bond between twins can be intense and strong, just like Elmore and her twin, and that's completely healthy and normal. But parents don't want that special connection to be at the expense of developing close relationships with others, be it friends or family members. So how do you ensure your twins look not just to each other for help and support, but to outsiders as well?
"One thing that parents know from the time of the sonogram is that their babies are compared immediately," says Maureen Doolan Boyle, executive director of MOST (Mothers of Supertwins), an international support network of families who have multiples. "One is 'Baby A' or 'Baby B', one is larger, one is longer, and so it goes. Parents are automatically thrust into a position of guarding their children's identities. Since the world will enforce their twinship repeatedly as they get older, parents often feel that they are trying to fill a bucket while the world is poking holes in it."
Nancy Samalin, author of Loving Without Spoiling and 100 Other Timeless Tips for Raising Terrific Kids (Capture Technical Writing Service, 2002), recommends naming children with completely different sounding names. In addition, Boyle says, teach each child their own name right from the beginning.
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