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When Parenting Styles Differ
Can It Affect Your Friendships? By Shel Franco
For some people, the break is less eventful. Instead of separating in a flurry of allegations, the parties simply drift apart.
"My husband's best friend has been his friend since kindergarten," says Brette McWhorter Sember of Basom, New York. "When they had their first child, we had a 6-year-old and a baby on the way. Our son is two months younger than theirs, and I think we all really thought it would bring us closer together. But, it didn't at all."
Instead the children showed the adults how different they really were. For one, McWhorter Sember left a career in law to stay home. She also decided to breastfeed a toddler and saw nothing wrong with a parent and child sharing sleep. Their friends disagreed on all accounts.
"Our contacts became more infrequent," she says. "I knew it was over when we hadn't heard from them for a while. And then, he called to tell us their second baby had been born, and we didn't even know she was pregnant!"
Add to that a bit of distance, and you've got a winning combination.
"Jodi and I are like night and day," says Nicole Joop* of Saginaw, Mich. "In college, we were joined at the hip. Now what keeps us together is the three thousand miles that separate us."
Joop and her best friend disagree on every aspect of parenting. "My friend lets her kids cry and likes to swat their bottoms. I can't stand a whimper and never even raise my voice," she says.
Because the two rarely see each other, it's easier to avoid the touchy subjects and be more tolerant. "Even if she does say something nuts, I can handle it when we're on the phone," Joop says.
This summer, her friend suggested they all go on a family vacation. After a brief period of deliberation, Joop decided she already had plans.