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Little Mr. Bossy
Tips for Taming the Demanding Toddler
By Jacqueline Bodnar
Some toddlers become bossy when a new baby joins the family, when the focus of attention is not on them, or when they have been allowed to get away with doing things for a while, due to special circumstances. Whatever the reason, it's important for parents to know that, for many children, being bossy is a developmental stage. Knowing how to handle it will allow everyone to get through the stage with politeness.
"Remember that children do, in fact, crave boundaries," says Eliska Counce, a licensed professional counselor and director of Transforming Tomorrows Counseling Center in McKinney, Texas. "Parents should utilize techniques such as appropriate time-outs and removal of parental attention in order to re-establish themselves as the authority."
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) agrees that children need boundaries, and that being consistent is a must in teaching them right from wrong. They report that, as young children try to become more independent, they sometimes behave in ways that anger or disappoint their parents. The AAP suggests that parents not respond with harshness. Additionally, when rules are made in the house, they need to be followed consistently. Not to do so sends a confusing message to the child.
Once children reach 18 months, they begin to push their limits and see just how much they can get away with. The AAP suggests withholding privileges or taking something away as a consequence (e.g., things that aren't necessities, like toys). They suggest that time-outs should only be used as a last resort, after the child has been given a warning. If parents do choose the route of giving a time-out, the rule of thumb is one minute for every year of age they are (e.g., a 3-year-old would be in time-out for three minutes).