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Religious Differences at Holiday Time

How to Merge Faiths to Create Lasting Family Traditions

By Cara J. Stevens

When deciding how to celebrate each holiday, note the importance of a holiday within each culture. Bear in mind that Christmas is a major Christian holiday, Hanukkah is a minor Jewish holiday, and many families do not choose to celebrate Kwanzaa at all.

If your holiday is not that important to you, it's OK to downplay the focus on that holiday and teach your children about your background other times of the year. "Neither of us are particularly religious," says Kristin Winkel, a Protestant, whose husband is Jewish. "We celebrate Christmas with my family and Thanksgiving with my husband's. I would do more Jewish things together, but my husband didn't grow up with any of these traditions, so he's not that interested."

"My own feeling is that I need to educate myself about other religions so that I can present the teachings to my children in as undogmatic a way as possible," says Lauren Isenberg Zinn, an interfaith minister in Ann Arbor, Mich. In her household, they celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas. "I usually have a big Hanukkah party," she says. "We light the Menorah every night for eight nights and say the blessings together as a family."

For Christmas, they put up the traditional Christmas tree and pass out presents, but they go a step further. "I created my own 'service' at the dinner table on Christmas Eve," says Zinn. "This consisted of me telling stories about who Jesus was and what he was teaching."

Of course, since she was raised Jewish, Zinn says that she not only had to research the history and traditions, but she also had to make a huge emotional leap. "It took a while for me to adjust to this but it was important to my husband," she says.

In addition, as with any issue in parenting, it's important to present a united front when it comes to the holidays. This means celebrating as a family – for example if you feel it's important to light the Kwanzaa Kinara, don't wait until your spouse is out of the house because it makes him uncomfortable. Be sure to create traditions that you will both be comfortable celebrating for years to come.

It also helps if you have the support of both extended families. "We are lucky that our families don't compete," says Ellgass. "When we got married, my in-laws bought a menorah. They asked me to write out the prayers in transliteration so they can recite them with us."

Want to see more?

• Blending Family Traditions
• Holiday Beginnings: New Traditions for the Family of Today
• Celebrate Hanukkah: Activities to Make, Play and Eat With Your Preschooler
• Holiday Headquarters
• Talk about it!