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An Adoptive Family Holiday
How New Families Can Cope with the Chaos
By Mark Stackpole
"Parents should not thrust a child at a stranger, even if the person is not a stranger to the parents," Groza says. "Allow children to make their own connections with other adults as they feel comfortable. If a child has been in the adoptive family for fewer than three months, families may want to limit their exposure to others. The child needs to be firmly attached to the family and not be thrust into making a connection with all members of the adoptive family network."
Of special concern is dealing with family members who, for whatever reason, might disapprove of the adoption. "If relatives disapprove and cannot put aside their disapproval in front of the children, families need to evaluate whether they should see those relatives," Groza says. "An option is to have a conversation with the relatives who might have a concern and evaluate whether they can put aside their feelings for the benefit of the child. If parents are not sure, they need to determine whether it is in the best interest of their children to be around that relative." Groza emphasizes that it is more important for parents to protect their children than to worry about how a few relatives might feel.
The holiday season can be a trying time for all new families, and this can be especially true for adoptive families. There are logistical, emotional and behavioral adjustments that need to be made by parents, children and members of the extended family. Of course, none of this need stand in the way of a joyous holiday season.
Ultimately, Lauri White speaks for all new mothers, adoptive and otherwise, when she says, "I look forward to spending our first holidays with our new daughter."
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