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Home › Articles › Family › Telephone Time

Telephone Time

Tips for an Uninterrupted Phone Conversation

By C.J. Johnson

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When I picked up the telephone, my children seemed to need me more than ever. They pulled on my sleeves, talked to me and hung on my legs. Desperate for uninterrupted telephone time, I sought advice from a close friend. She smiled happily and said, "Give your kids candy. The person on the other end can't see this. Your child is excited, takes a little while to unwrap it, then it goes in his mouth. You just bought yourself a couple of minutes of quiet."

Fearing cavities and hyperactivity in my children, I consulted with other moms. The strategies were not getting much more sophisticated. "I lock myself into the bathroom for a few minutes of privacy on the telephone," was the solution of four mothers. Two of them even admitted to turning on the fan so they couldn't hear their children screaming.

As my frustration grew, I realized it was time to seek advice from experts.

What the Expert Says
Meri Wallace is a child and family therapist and author of Keys to Parenting a Four-Year-Old (Barron's Educational Series, 1997) and Birth Order Blues: How Parents Can Help their Children Meet the Challenges of their Birth Order (Owl Books, 1999). With years of experience behind her as a mother and professional, she has insights to offer parents.

Wallace says children are very sensitive to your attention being focused elsewhere. "They want you available when they want you," she says. "It is very natural. The challenge for parents comes when they get an important call or need to make one." The younger the child, the harder it is for them to understand a parent's needs. From a little one's view, it is life and death that a parent be available to them at all times.

To make incoming telephone conversations as stress-free as possible, Wallace offers the following suggestions:

  • If someone calls at a time when your child typically needs your attention, ask if you can call back.
  • During time with the family when the parent is especially needed, such as meal times, diaper changes or homework, let the answering machine take a message. Picking up the phone during such times sets up more conflict for the parent.
  • If it is an important call you have to receive, take a few moments to set up your child with a positive activity.

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