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Home › Articles › Discipline › Don't Just Say No

Don't Just Say No

Setting Effective Boundaries

By Kelly Burgess

Pages:  1  2  

Growing Boundaries

Up to Age 1:
Baby proofing is the key here, but for things that can't be put up or moved, Mom and Dad have to be on the move. Divert Baby by physically removing him to another room or distracting him with a different toy. Make eye contact and say "no" in a pleasant way. At mealtime, babies tend to throw food. Guide them with your actions, taking their hand and putting back in the tray, telling them nicely, but firmly, that the food stays on the plate.

Ages 1 to 3:
Toddlers are curious about everything; that's how they learn. When they try to pull off the cat's tail or push a cracker into the VCR they aren't misbehaving; they merely want to see if the tail's attached or if the cracker will make the screen light up. Tell your child not to pull the kitty's tail, but as you do so show him how to gently pet the kitty and point out how the kitty loves it. Tell him that the kitty's tail is attached and it hurts the kitty when you pull. Divert him from the VCR and find him a toy or play a game that helps him learn cause and effect.

Ages 3 to 5:
Somewhere at the midpoint of this age range children will begin to understand right from wrong. Early on, diversion with explanations is still the best tool for setting boundaries. As they move toward age 5, explanations alone will become increasingly effective. But keep it simple. A 5-year-old doesn't need a course in neurology to understand why he shouldn't conk his sister over the head with a toy truck.

Ages 5 and Up:
Explanations geared to the age of the child become increasingly important; so does consistency. Consequences for breaking the rules should be firm and fair, but the boundaries should be fair as well. Allow your children an increasing amount of input into their limits. Let them tell you how they think and feel about the rules. If you don't agree, let them know why. This input helps you to review boundaries as your children get older and more responsible. Treat each child as an individual. It's not fair to set strict rules for a child who is obedient just because an older sibling disobeys.

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