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Discipline As Easy as One, Two, Three
The 3 Keys to Effectively Disciplining Your Child By Lisamarie Sanders
Being fair implies doing the right thing. It does not always mean doing the exact same thing for each of your children. All children are different and have unique likes, dislikes and personalities. Additionally, each child has different needs. "You can't have the same standard of fairness for every child in the family," Douglas says. "It has to be custom-tailored to each child."
Rules and consequences established for a 12-year-old will be different than those for a 2-year-old. Even children of the same age need to be treated according to their own individual needs. For example, if you have a child who loves to be alone in his room, time-out may not be an appropriate consequence for him, even if it works for your other children. Negative behaviors may increase rather than decrease because to him the consequence is actually a reward.
Additionally, being fair requires that the consequences fit the infraction. Canceling your child's birthday party because he didn't take his breakfast bowl off the table is an unfair consequence. Having him clear all the dishes for the rest of the day is more appropriate. "It's hard to be fair when you're angry," says Douglas. "Remind yourself to take a step back and make sure the offense and consequence are somehow related."
It is the same way with discipline. If your rules state that biting leads to a time-out, it should happen that way every time. Your child will learn the cause and effect relationship, and eventually the biting will stop. Being consistent helps your child make sense of his world. p>However, Douglas says, sometimes parents can be too rigid. She suggests "consistency with common sense." Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that lead a child to behave inappropriately. For example, if your child is cutting new teeth, the reason for his biting does not deserve a consequence.
Consistency may also be moved to the back burner if your child or family is going through a crisis. Being sick or overtired, getting a new sibling or moving to a new house are all reasons children might behave inappropriately. Think of what your child needs before you hand out the consequences.