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A Discipline Dilemma
How to Manage Major Meltdowns By Margaret Risk
Stephanie Stein, a professor of developmental psychology at Central Washington University, says that her oldest son, now 5, can have "frightening losses of temper where he hits others, throws things, cries and slams doors."
Her son's most recent meltdown occurred when he found out he couldn't go to the children's museum, something he had been looking forward to. He began to cry loudly and attempted to hit her. When he refused to go to his room to calm down, Stein says that she "helped" him to his room. He proceeded to throw toys against the door. Her strategy was to wait until he quieted and then go inside and talk to him.
"We talked about how he was feeling, what happened that upset him, what he did and how he could respond differently in the future," Stein says. Sometimes it takes a while for a child to calm down enough to talk. When Stein's son calms down, she requires that he apologize for his behavior to anyone that he hurt.
"In my opinion, the discipline strategy that is not appropriate for tantrums is to lash out in anger and physically punish the child," says Stein. "Angry put-downs are a bad idea, too. Your goal is to get the child o calm down, not to vent your anger at their behavior."
Stein says that she tries hard to keep her tone of voice calm. "But if I'm feeling too angry to deal with my son, I will often ask my husband to step in," she says. She tells her son, "Mommy is mad and needs a time-out." This really helps her calm down and models for her son how to handle anger.
