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Mommy, Don't Go!

Handling Separation Anxiety

By Heather Johnson Durocher

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Separation anxiety can be rough going for a family. Parents may wonder how long their child's behavior will last, what they could be doing differently or if their child is even ready for more independence. Whether the child is beginning daycare, starting preschool or experiencing another new group setting without Mom or Dad, experts say recognizing children for who they are is critical.

"It's important to pick up the clues from your children and be respectful of that," says Sundeen. For example, parents should take notice of how their child reacts to different situations. Is she someone who can easily join a group of unfamiliar people? Is he the type to slowly warm up to new people? Based on these observations, parents can help make the transition from home to school or home to daycare a smoother one.

Prepare Everyone
Sundeen suggests talking with your children about what to expect: where the school or daycare is located, what activities they'll be engaging in, when Mommy or Daddy will be back, etc. "When they don't know what is happening is when the separation becomes the most difficult," she says.

Practicing the separation beforehand – at home by using toys or books or leaving the room where your child is playing and then returning – is another good idea.

Debbie Bush from Interlochen, Mich., says keeping track of the days remaining before school began using a calendar and stickers helped her 4-year-old son, Alex, look forward to preschool. "The first time we went he was real clingy with me," says Bush. "After that he did really well."

Preparation goes both ways. "Parents have a tough time separating, too," says Sundeen. "Parents need to think through [how they'll react] because children can sense ny tension. You really have to think through the feelings the child is taking from you."

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