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Little Personalities
Can Parents Influence Personality Traits?
By Kendeyl Johansen
"Children displaying aggressive behavior need savvy parents" says Dr. Gross. "Aggressive behavior can cause parents to withdraw when what the child needs is a hug." She suggests walking aggressive children through every step of their day. This teaches kids what to expect so they'll feel less frustration. Knowledge breeds trust, while frustration breeds aggression. Gross also suggests structuring playtime, again telling children exactly what to expect beforehand. "Use structure and consistency. These children need to learn how to trust, then they can venture out and feel the universe is benign."
"Children that seek perfection often feel out of control and are afraid of making a mistake," says Dr. Gross. "This can stem from over-control or pressure (the hurried child), abandonment issues, divorce or sibling problems."
To help kids with perfectionist tendencies, lower expectations. "Behavior encourages behavior," Gross says. Parents need to tell kids that it's OK not to be perfect. Johansen often encounters perfectionist behavior in her students. When kids are too hard on themselves, she talks to them about practice. "I point out the child's favorite sports idol once couldn't get the ball into the basket or that Olympic skaters have taken a lot of falls on the ice. It takes lots of practice to excel." To reinforce that imperfection is OK, Johansen points out something that a child's close friend doesn't do well. "Look, Sophie missed the tennis ball but that's OK," Johansen says. The child sees that his friend isn't perfect and he doesn't need to be either.