- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- preschoolers today articles
- preschoolers today q&a
- children today articles
- children today q&a
- message boards
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
 |
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Time-out, Time-in
What Should You Do When a Child Misbehaves?
By Patricia Morgan, Counselor
At a recent seminar a mom asked the speaker, "What am I supposed to do when my child misbehaves?" There are dozens of options for influencing children's behavior and they all hinge on the relationship the parent has with the child, the family rules and the child's personality, age and capabilities. I will describe what I believe are effective time-outs and time-ins.
For many parents time-outs have become a "Go to your room!" or a "Get out of my face!" banishment or rejection. Ideally time-outs provide a breather between two parties who are in tension. Time-outs can be used by parents, children, spouses or countries at war. Often it is the parent who really needs a time-out. And it's OK to do just that. It provides great modeling of self-responsibility and self-soothing. You could say something like, "I'm feeling really frustrated. I want to handle this problem calmly. I'm going to take a 10-minute time-out and then we can talk some more."
Isn't this what we would like our children to be able to do for themselves? Don't we want to teach our children how to be responsible individuals and to have the skills to better manage their emotions, thoughts, words and behaviors? Is so, then we will want to give a healthy meaning to time-out.
In addition to modeling the usefulness of a time-out, there are times when we can say to a child, "Do you need a time-out so you can come back and start fresh?" Have children decide when they are ready to come back and try again with new and different behavior. Some time and distance from a situation is often what many of us need.
For many children time-outs have become either an experience of being rejected to their bedroom when the going gets tough or freedom to play in their Disney World-like paradise. The first bedroom scenario can create a hated room where children have trouble sleeping at night while the second scenario provides a "so what?" attitude of escape from relationship and responsibility.
