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The Truth About Consequences
Natural and Logical Thinking About Discipline
By Lisamarie Sanders
"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." Although Sir Isaac Newton was referring to motion when he spoke these words, the same can be said for discipline.
In this regard, we call the equal and opposite reaction a consequence.
Consequences are different than punishments. Webster's New World Dictionary defines this: Punishment (n) a penalty imposed on an offender for a crime or wrongdoing. Consequence (n) a logical result or conclusion.
Childcare experts agree that using consequences is a much more effective way to discipline than using punishments. "The goal of discipline is to help children develop self-discipline and self-worth," says Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., a psychologist and faculty member at the University of Utah. Consequences help attain this goal because they are not harsh, arbitrary decisions made in anger or frustration. They are based on communication and choice.
"Punishments are usually come up with very spontaneously and impulsively, and are often regretted later," says Sara Dimerman, psychological associate and director of the Parent Education Resource Center in Thornhill, Ontario, Canada. "Consequences are set up in advance so the child makes a choice when he or she decides to behave in a certain manner."
Dimerman adds that using consequences establishes a respectful relationship between parent and child that lasts a lifetime. "Spanking has immediate results – usually a child will respond within seconds and change behavior right away – but what is it doing in the long term?" asks Dimerman. A child who feels afraid and intimidated will have a much different relationship with his parents than one who feels loved and respected.
